Marriage Takes Work

According to the authors of Marriages, Families & Intimate Relationships, 2005: Married adults now divorce two-and-a half times as often as adults did twenty years ago and four times as often as they did fifty years ago… between forty percent and sixty percent of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. The probability within the first five years is twenty percent, and the probability of its ending within the first ten years is thirty-three percent… (Williams, Stacy Sawyer, Carl Wahlstrom).

Marriage is vital to family happiness, because it provides companionship and a secure environment in which to raise children. I would like to see New York State mandate classes prior to marriages and counseling during marriage (prior to a divorce), to decrease the number of divorces (Especially if there are children). Couples need to be educated about the sacrifices necessary to make a relationship last. There is no fairy tale marriage in real life, in truth, all marriages require work and attention from time to time (the more the better).

At the start of a relationship, it is normally the physical intimacy that draws the couple together. However, after time the physical attraction can start to dwindle and couples can become irritated with qualities they once cherished. What then? They need to learn what it means to be giving, gentle, kind, and even self-sacrificing. They will need to be educated on the changes that will have to take place in order to stay together. This is a tall order in today’s society. The philosophy of society is that marriages can be thrown away at any time. New York State allows couples to end their marriage through a “no fault divorce.” If the union does not work, it is okay. They can get a divorce. It’s no big deal.

All marriages need attention from time to time. It is challenging to learn to compromise and work with another person; however, both parties in a relationship need to be able to effectively express themselves. This is not a skill people are born with, and based on New York’s divorce rate, this is not a skill some people possess. Therefore, it would be nice if the state educate its residents with a pamphlet when they apply for their marriage license.

 I know…“Wait a minute, it’s my life! I have a right to do whatever it is I want,” some might argue. People should have the right to choose whom they marry and under what circumstances they end a relationship. All I am saying is that individuals should know in advance what they are getting into when they decide to get married. If they don’t know, then what will stop the person from doing the same thing in another relationship? Is it possible to break unhealthy behaviors if a person is not educated as to what is healthy and unhealthy?

When two people marry, the hopes are that it will last forever. However, situations arise in marriages that are unexpected. It is possible for couples to work through their problems, but only if they put forth effort and are educated on what it takes to keep a relationship together. I’d like to see NY state provide education pamphlets to couples thinking of marriage.