Talk About Sex - Remember Romance

           There is more to sex than having an orgasm. There is also the beginning, the middle, and that which leads up to the end. If you skip to the end, then you are missing the whole sexual experience. Maybe that is okay with you because you are a slam, bam, thank you man or mam kind of person. However, by taking the time to enhance your awareness of your partner and yourself, the experience can be heightened to the next level of pleasure. Sexual intimacy has a purpose. It is to strengthen the bond between couples. Therefore, your ultimate goal should be to satisfy your partner. In the proceeding paragraphs, I will go over some simple steps that can be taken prior to intercourse that will enhance a couple’s sex life.

Prior to beginning, it is important to have a conversation with your mate. Explain what it is you would like and why. Then, give him or her the chance to express his or her feelings on the matter. Figure out what the ground rules will be. For example, maybe one person is willing to allow a massage but the sheets need to cover him or her or perhaps one person is willing to allow oral sex as long as he or she proceeds slow. Sometimes trying new things can make a person feel uncomfortable. Therefore, it might be necessary to gradually work towards what it is you would like to accomplish.

Learning to explore your partner’s body takes time. As such, it is important to set a time and date to try this. Make sure that you will not be interrupted during this time. Figure out ahead of time what you will need for this romantic date and go shopping. If it is not on your list, I would recommend picking up some massage oil and lubricant. Massage oil is different from lotion. It was designed to be rubbed on the body continuously. It can be purchased at stores like Bath and Body Works. When picking a lubricant, make sure it can be used on and around the vagina. This can be bought at any drug store normally near the condoms.

On the day of your date, create a romantic mood. Dim the lights so it is not too bright or light a few candles. Candles are nice because of the soft glow that emanates off of the naked body. Play music if that makes you feel more relaxed. Try not to pick anything that will stimulate you into moving too fast. Fold down any warm blankets. Remember to place something to drink near the bed.

It is time to begin. The goal is to get through this without having an orgasm. Whoever is capable of expressing his or her self and his or her sexual desires should go first. Try to use as many of your senses (taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell) as you can. Have your partner sit next to you or lie down. Use your lips to communicate to them without speaking. Gently kiss his or her neck as you caress his or her naked body with your hands. Pay attention to the sounds, moans, and movements your partner makes. What is arousing him or her? When you are finished kissing his or her body, take out the massage oil. Place a small amount in your hands. Rub your hands together and place them on your partner. Massage your partner. As you massage your partner, take notice of his or her body. Do they have any marks, scars, or bruises? Can you tell that he or she is relaxed? After you are done, allow your partner to repeat this process with him or her exploring your body.

            It is probably safe to say that the both of you are aroused. We have discussed the beginning and middle process to making love. To complete the process, it is time for the grand finale or climax. This is where penetration is allowed. If you feel that you need, or want, to learn about different positions to making love do some research on Kama Sutra. Along with instructions the book will have pictures. Have you learned that the art to making love is in realizing that your purpose is to satisfy your partner, and vice versa? While this exploration takes place the both of you will grow in your awareness and understanding of your bodies.

Marriage Takes Work

According to the authors of Marriages, Families & Intimate Relationships, 2005: Married adults now divorce two-and-a half times as often as adults did twenty years ago and four times as often as they did fifty years ago… between forty percent and sixty percent of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. The probability within the first five years is twenty percent, and the probability of its ending within the first ten years is thirty-three percent… (Williams, Stacy Sawyer, Carl Wahlstrom).

Marriage is vital to family happiness, because it provides companionship and a secure environment in which to raise children. I would like to see New York State mandate classes prior to marriages and counseling during marriage (prior to a divorce), to decrease the number of divorces (Especially if there are children). Couples need to be educated about the sacrifices necessary to make a relationship last. There is no fairy tale marriage in real life, in truth, all marriages require work and attention from time to time (the more the better).

At the start of a relationship, it is normally the physical intimacy that draws the couple together. However, after time the physical attraction can start to dwindle and couples can become irritated with qualities they once cherished. What then? They need to learn what it means to be giving, gentle, kind, and even self-sacrificing. They will need to be educated on the changes that will have to take place in order to stay together. This is a tall order in today’s society. The philosophy of society is that marriages can be thrown away at any time. New York State allows couples to end their marriage through a “no fault divorce.” If the union does not work, it is okay. They can get a divorce. It’s no big deal.

All marriages need attention from time to time. It is challenging to learn to compromise and work with another person; however, both parties in a relationship need to be able to effectively express themselves. This is not a skill people are born with, and based on New York’s divorce rate, this is not a skill some people possess. Therefore, it would be nice if the state educate its residents with a pamphlet when they apply for their marriage license.

 I know…“Wait a minute, it’s my life! I have a right to do whatever it is I want,” some might argue. People should have the right to choose whom they marry and under what circumstances they end a relationship. All I am saying is that individuals should know in advance what they are getting into when they decide to get married. If they don’t know, then what will stop the person from doing the same thing in another relationship? Is it possible to break unhealthy behaviors if a person is not educated as to what is healthy and unhealthy?

When two people marry, the hopes are that it will last forever. However, situations arise in marriages that are unexpected. It is possible for couples to work through their problems, but only if they put forth effort and are educated on what it takes to keep a relationship together. I’d like to see NY state provide education pamphlets to couples thinking of marriage.